Last week I began to get discouraged again, as it seemed Annie was once again having seizures, and was lethargic and aggressive at times. It seems once we get her settled on a new drug or dose, she is good for a few weeks and then bam, downhill we go and we are troubleshooting TSC again. It’s discouraging but we always press on.
I was looking at the new bottle of pills my mom had picked up from the pharmacy and was about to explain to Julia (a respite worker), that they were bigger and how many we give etc…when it hit me…these pills are 200mg, not 100mg as I had assumed. Aaahhh! I had given Annie one whole pill rather than only a half like the bottle said. I had not read the bottle, or had not had the usual conversation with the pharmacist at pick-up and had not paid attention to the 200 on the actual pill either. I felt terribly guilty and relieved all at the same time.
Annie had been doing so well since being sick with a cold last month, and my mistake had caused her to be, well a bit snowed for a few days. Thankfully, I caught the error after only 3 days of the extra doses and knew that since her body was used to the drug, she would be okay. I am soooo grateful this mistake was caught so soon, as it could have been rather horrible for Annie had it carried on longer, or worse…well, thank God it didn’t.
It was a reminder for me to “pay attention”, to not beat myself up over mistakes and to thank God that things didn’t get worse. Best of all, it has been 4 days now, (back on the correct dose), and I am happy to report that Annie is doing much better. She has been so happy and has even been cooperating at school to get some of her schoolwork done. Phew.
I am human. I am not supermom. I am prayed for.
I am not alone.
God answered the prayers of whomever has prayed for me at some point, that I might “be aware of the Holy Spirit”, that I “would be strong”, that I “would be able to keep going even when the storm seems to be coming again”. God heard those prayers and He answered. Thank you.
I am thankful for false alarms and the swiftness of a very big God who cares enough to remember me when I mess up.
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